"Almost 90% think [the] war is retaliation for Saddam’s role in 9/11"

That is.... well, "astonishing" just doesn't do it. "Breathtaking" isn't there either.

Is this an example of successful military brainwashing? Group insanity? A gigantic statistical mistake? What is this exactly?

I truly, truly do not get it.

Zogby Poll Overview

Amish Rake Fight Championships

I don't know whose it is, but it's funny...

Imogen Heap is a tremendous talent. She reminds me of a young Kate Bush in a lot of ways. I actually like her material from "I Megaphone" more than some of her more current stuff in that it's more aggressive and gives her a little more to work with in terms of emotional range. But nonetheless, her new album is awfully good too - "Hide and Seek" in particular. If I had any complaint about the show it was that she only played one song from "I Megaphone" - but it was one of my favorites ("Come Here Boy") so I can't complain too much. If you haven't heard Imogen Heap and are a fan of female singer/songwriters, I strongly recommend checking out her work. You won't be disappointed.

As part of the same trip, I also got to see several old friends for the first time in a long time - including former Machines drummer Brad Kemp. Wow, it's been way too long but it sure was nice to catch up. How odd that I actually have more friends in LA than in Phoenix.

From the standpoint of preparing for the audition, the timing couldn’t have been worse. At the time, I was trying to wrap up two other projects simultaneously – so between that and the very aggressive audition schedule, I ended up with just a handful of hours to prepare. I’m pretty meticulous, so this was a bit frustrating.
I learned three songs off the new record (all three of which were produced by the most excellent Atticus Ross, so they had some tasty synth & production work), and created rough approximations of the sounds.

The audition process itself was actually quite brief, due in part to a combination of the tight timeline and my flight into LA being late.

In the end, I don’t think I was able to demonstrate my capabilities particularly well. But on the plus side, I did get to say hi to Jonathan (it’s been 10 years), and met Richard Gibbs, who’s the musical director for the tour. Richard is responsible for, among other things, the music for the first season of The Simpsons. I still have fond memories of the “Patton” motif he used in an episode where Bart & some of the local kids take on Nelson and the other bullies.

Um, yeah. Guess what, Monkey Fuhrer - I gave in to despair on election day. So take your illegal war, your ever-expanding web of lies upon which said war was based, and your assault on civil liberties, and kindly stick them up your ass. From what I can tell, that's where your best ideas originate anyways.

But then, I got a new mail carrier. And now I really understand the difference between good mail delivery and shitty mail delivery.

With my old carrier, the mail would arrive almost exactly at the same time each day. Usually right around 12:30pm. Okay, so you wouldn't set your clock by it, but it was pretty damn consistent, day in and day out. You knew that if you needed something mailed, it'd better be in the box by noon.

About a month ago, my old mail carrier (a guy in his 30s maybe) disappeared and was replaced by a woman perhaps in her mid to late 40s. Apparently, she's just not up to the task.

With my new carrier, mail arrives late. Really, really late. On days when I'm lucky, she shows up around 5pm. But usually it's more like 6pm. Or 7:30. It's all over the map. Some days, I just don't get mail at all. And this isn't the "there's nothing in the mail for you today" kind of not getting mail. I get -something- every damn day, even if it's just another stupid MacMall catalog or something. I haven't -not- gotten any mail for like 10 years. So this is a different kind of not getting mail. So I know it's not just "you don't have mail today". This is "the new carrier is so far behind in her schedule she just flat out gave up for the day" not getting mail.

This week, I have roofing contractors working on the house. They've put one of those giant construction dumpsters in front, to throw the old roofing materials into. The dumpster partly blocks the front door and mail slot. Note, I said "partly". It's still accessible, it just takes a little thought to understand where to go. The UPS guy figured it out. The FedEx guy figured it out. All the neighborhood annoying-leaflet-delivery-services figured it out. My new mail carrier? Nope. To her, that's a convenient excuse to not deliver mail at all. Now, I grant you that the words "minor inconvenience" don't appear in the phrase "neither rain nor sleet, nor snow, nor dead of night...", but I don't think that gets her off the hook.

I realize that I shouldn't get worked up about "the little things" in life. And when the mail contains grocery coupons and credit card offers, I really don't care if I get it or not. But sometimes I get important things in the mail. And just on General Principle, it pisses me off that my highly consistent and competent carrier was replaced by someone who clearly either doesn't give a fuck, or is too slow/stupid/incompetent/whatever to do the job.

From the desk of Turd Blossom

To: The Monkey Fuhrer

Re: 9 E-Z Steps to make this whole Katrina thing go away.

Your Holiness:

In light of recent events I've assembled a plan for handling the current crisis. It's based on our successful handling of previous crises. I've kept the list short so as not to cut in to nappy-time.

Step 1: Make a good show of being concerned, even if it's late and ineffectual. Keyword: Photo ops, photo ops, photo ops. Hugging survivors always plays well in the sticks. Be sure to have your shirtsleeves rolled up for some of the pictures - it really enhances that "getting down to business" look.

Step 2: When asked by the pesky liberal media, "how could this have happened on your watch?", insist repeatedly that "we don't have all the answers yet", and "now isn't the time to lay blame" - even if some of the answers are as plain as day. I'll make sure that Murdoch directs his people to sing exactly the same tune. This will buy you time.

Step 3: Ensure that O'Riely, Coulter and the other bottomfeeders are ready to discredit anyone whose critical statements about the administration or any of its agencies gain any traction in the media. They're great at this sort of thing - if they can cut a grieving war mom down to size, they can handle anything. By the way, I'm already working on digging up some dirt on the Mayor of New Orleans. If I find anything I'll be sure that someone accidentally "leaks" it to Drudge.

Step 4: Appoint your own hand-picked commission to determine "what happened" (I know, it sounds silly, doesn't it? We all know what happened, but if you pretend you don't know then we may be able to get people to go along with it). Appointing a commission always plays well in the sticks, and also buys you time. Remember, the longer you can put off any real officially-endorsed "conclusion" about what happened, the less people will remember and the more opportunity exists to spin it in a positive light.

Step 5: Use the existence of the commission as an excuse to tell the pesky liberal media that "we've appointed a blue-ribbon panel to get to the bottom of this", and be sure to reiterate that "we don't have all the answers yet" and "now is not the time to lay blame". Try to get another photo op or two in there if possible.

(Side note: Sorry for the big word. "Reiterate" means to say something again. You know, like "Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11. Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11. The more times you say it, the more true it becomes.)

Step 6: While the commission is "hard at work", be sure to give some kind of official commendation to the head of any agency whose role in the tragedy is under scrutiny. Pining a medal on the dumbass that fucked things up in the first place is a great way to confuse the public. As a side benefit it makes the liberal media downright apoplectic.

(Side note: Sorry again for the big word. "Apoplectic" means really upset. Like how the Mayor of New Orleans was upset because thousands of his citizens were dying like rats while you were fundraising in San Diego, Condi was shopping at Ferragamo, and Cheney was vacationing in Wyoming.)

Step 7: Since the commission was appointed by you, they're more likely to properly obfuscate the issue, and conclude that "there were many failures", none of which actually point directly to you. Of course if they come to the conclusion that there -is- some blame to be had in the Administration, then all you need do is appoint a new commission to determine how best to apply their recommendations. That should tie up at least an extra year.

Step 8: With a favorable commission finding and some time having passed, the American People can be convinced that any blame they may have placed on the Administration or its agencies actually belongs to so many people and agencies, there's really no reason to blame anyone specifically. (Note to self: find way to blame Katrina on Saddam Hussein.) Anyway, at this point it's safe to make a public statement that you're taking the commission's recommendations to heart and that it's time to put this national tragedy behind us.

Step 9: Back to Business As Ususal. Maybe time for that vacation you've been putting off?